I just managed to get my palms off my cringed face upon starting this
blog. Although I have a number of friends who know my stories, my life isn't
necessarily an open book. But there are some details that need to be shared to
magnify the beautiful things God has done. Still indecisive about whether or
not I should post this blog entry, here goes my love story (or how God answered
me) *face palm yet again*
I prayed for Josh tons of times in the past, but it wasn't long ago
when I really asked God for directions in life changing decisions I should or
should not make. As a christian, having a boyfriend is not something I'd jump
into just to try it. I agree to have someone in my life acknowledging that this
will go on until marriage and death. Having that in mind, I was desperate to
get an answer and confirmation from God. I was so scared of making a wrong
decision that may stain my life forever. Stepping or even just breathing out of
God's will scares the heck out of me and I have to be sure God says yes before
I say yes.
I'm not the type who hears God audibly. When God impresses something to
me, I am almost never sure if that's from Him, or I just interpreted it the way
I think it should be. What if, when I read my bible, I just understand it the
way I want to (because I already have my own desires) but that wasn't exactly
what God was trying to tell me in the first place?
All my life, I was never out of my parents' care. All my siblings lived
in apartments or dorms while studying or working, but I never had that. As how
my small group mates would put it - I had a steadfast life. I was sheltered. I
was just okay with studying hard. I had good focus and I understood and accepted
that I'm too young for any of those. I graduated and I still just had my mind
on my work and career. But in one of my devotions, God told me that He will
take me out of my comfort zone and in that new place and season, He will fill
my cup to overflowing. He was finally going to put me in someone else's care
and promised that in it I will be even more blessed. I honestly couldn't
believe it and again doubted if it was God or if it was just me. I told this
reflection to my mom and asked her what she thought of Josh. What she thinks is
very important to me. I trust a mother's instinct and if she says anything
different from how I saw it, I will automatically change my mind. Most
importantly to me, my mom's a very spiritual person and if she discerns
something, I trust that it's the truth. My mind was blown when she said,
"May peace ako sa kanya. Wala naman akong nararamdaman na hindi
peaceful." That's all I needed to hear from her.
I also asked my small group leader about it. Although she completely
didn't know who I was talking about, she gave me advice that will change the
way I see God's promises from hereon. She told me that God's promises for us
more often than not have something to do with what will happen in the future.
So she told me to go back to God's last promise for me and it will probably be
connected to what I'm praying for today. I immediately opened my bible and
found the last promise God gave me a few months back. I was sure that was it
because I highlighted that verse in neon pink ball pen. He said in Ezekiel
12:28, "None of my words will be delayed any longer; whatever I say will
be fulfilled, declares the Sovereign Lord." Whatever I was praying for, He
will provide it now. Omg. Hahaha. But that relationship did not immediately
happen after I got God's answer. I want to think that it was God's way of
preparing me and making me desire to actually have this relationship in my
life.
We spent our first day at the Gardens by the Bay and then had dinner at our favorite date place, Fish and Co :D
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